June woke up into Dylan's arms, he was holding her tightly. she softly brushed him off and got up, she took her clothes on the ground and got dressed up. she looked at Dylan and let out a sigh since she knew he'd be sad if he woke up that she was nowhere on his sight, she left a note on the nightstand: « i'm going to see some friends, see u later babe. i left u some breakfast on the table ». lastly, she took her blue marine colored Kånken bag where she had a sweatshirt, a water bottle, a speaker and a charger. she took off and she was walking down the street. it has been a week since that incident, she was still upset and quite affected by it. no calls, no texts, no news from Mia. she was pretty much expecting an explanation each day. by now, she knew that Mia knew about Dylan and her and she was sort of hoping she'd get her attention. the day it happened, Dylan was there for her and he made her feel better, he ended up asking her to get back together but told her to feel no pressure as he knew what just happened and that he wanted her to know he still loved her. June accepted and she told him that she didn't have any feelings for him for now but it still made Dylan happy that she accepted being his girlfriend. he was a really nice guy... so why was June feeling like this? she couldn't bring herself to see Dylan more than a really good friend or even just a sex friend she had put a lot of trust into but she couldn't see him as her boyfriend. she had tried all of these months but apparently just as like Mia couldn't see her more than a friend with benefits... he basically gave her everything she needed those past few months: love, care, attention and probably sex. but her eyes were still drifted on Mia, her heart still ached and felt for her. she was what we would call... head over heels for Mia. Dylan filled the void in her heart, she was practically using him and she knew she was a bad person for doing that but she couldn't help it. she wanted to stop loving Mia, the only way she knew was to start loving someone else. but she couldn't. no, she couldn't. each time she was kissing Dylan, when she closed her eyes, he just felt like her. her imagination was both saving her and drowning her... she wanted Mia back, not that she already had her but if she didn't have those feelings then maybe they could just be enjoying it together. they could have been still together, pretending that they were friends around other people and just turning everything upside down once they were in bed. but the thing is, sex wasn't the only thing she wanted with Mia. she didn't want them to pretend like they were friends once they were with other people, she wanted something more, she wanted to be her girlfriend, she didn't want to only kiss her in public places but also around her friends, she wanted to love and be loved. because even when Mia did all of this harm to her heart, she couldn't deny all the other things she was doing to her: she was there in her lonely nights, right when she needed it, she showed her what really love was and how every second with her felt like being with her was the only thing that mattered.

You gave me a shoulder when I needed it

You showed the love when I wasn't feeling it

You helped me fight when I was giving in

You you made me laugh when I was losing it

'Cause you are, you are

The reason why I'm still hanging on

'Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I'd get you the moon I give it to you

And if I could I'd get you the moon

And give it to you

And if death was coming for you

I'd give my life for you

it was 11:11, her only wish was Mia and for them to be together once again while they put their favorite songs on speaker. it was hard for her because she was really mad at Mia but she missed her so much, she couldn't bring herself to send the first text to her because she was hurt.

the song made her think about Mia, actually every song she listened to but that's just probably another detail when you're in love. that time when June brought Mia back to her place and June didn't want Mia to go home yet so she kept her late (it wasn't like Mia wanted her to leave yet anyway), they were holding hand through the gate and they were messing around, it was almost 11:11 in the night so June wanted to wait until it was and it was a silly bet she gave to Mia to stay until that late but she was happy that Mia still did even if she got yelled at by her mother that night, it was all worth it. June was really pissed off by her own mind that kept going back to Mia, it was already hard enough to be this deeply in love with her but her mind had this way of keeping her in love with her and reminded her all the good moments they had and basically all the good reasons to still love Mia. « for god's sake, June, stop loving her... », she said to herself. it was practically torture to be like this.

June was wandering around the streets, seeing her friends was just an excuse not to see Dylan and she has been doing that since they got back together. it was really a mess, huh? she knew she had to stop this with Dylan, for both his sake and her own. she got Emily (or Tyler, depending on the excuse) cover for her the past few days but eventually she wanted to see Emily for real which would make her feel less guilty about lying to her boyfriend and she genuinely needed to see a friend right now so she asked Emily over phone if they could meet up anytime today and Emily agreed to meeting up with her since she had something to tell her as well. June wondered what this could be all about and she couldn't wait seeing Emily, it has been a while since they haven't seen each other so she obviously missed her.

there were already a lot of people outside of the bar as their crew was pretty much known, there were a lot of people who went there just so they could see them. they haven't been practicing for a while though since it's summer vacation and they haven't been seeing a while because everyone was busy with whatnot. they entered the bar and there was a VIP section there where there was less people, there no one cared who they were because everyone was either known, rich or both. both Dylan and June went to the lounge to join their friends Emily and Tyler, they were all happy to finally have see each other after a while. they were having drinks and laughing with one another. they started getting all heat up with the music, the alcohol and just the mood at the moment. they were dancing on the dance floor, Tyler was making out with a random dude, Emily was dancing like she owned the stage and Dylan and June were making out and dancing together, their lips and bodies couldn't help from meeting each other.

Lotta girls like me, niggas wanna fight me

Nigga get yo ass checked like a fuckin' Nike

Me not icey, that's unlikely

And she gon' suck me like a fuckin' Hi-C

Aw, chains on the neck for the whole team

And I feel like Gucci with the ice cream

And my bitch want the Fenty, not the Maybelline

I'm the black JB the way these bitches scream

Make these bitches scream

Pretty little thing

Like my nigga A.E, say, "yadadamean"

it was their umpteenth shot at the bar. suddenly, June saw someone who seemed to be Mia. she thought she was just dreaming, that she was just tired and alcohol was playing her dirty tricks. she pretended she didn't see her but her mind couldn't help but be bothered. at some point, this someone who really looked like Mia got closer to June. June finally realized that this was real, it was really Mia. Mia pulled her against her and their bodies were moving along to the song.

Taste, taste, she can get a taste

Taste, taste, she can get a taste

Taste, taste, fuck what a nigga say

It's all the same, like Mary-Kate

Taste, taste, she can get a taste

Taste, taste, let you get a taste

Taste, taste, do you love the taste?

Yeah that's cool but he ain't like me

Mia mouthed the last part of the lyric "but he ain't like me", this sent shivers down June's spine. she was confused at what was happening but she was going along with Mia's moves. she hated admitting this but Mia had this impact on her, she couldn't get mad at her when it was all she had been feeling towards her those past few days. when Mia got even closer around June's neck, she knew damn right it was her weakness... June pushed her face away from her own neck then she got closer to Mia's ear:

« - you know i'm with Dylan so stop with this bullshit, he doesn't know you're the one i've been in love with! he's gonna start having suspicions if... — June was stuttering when she found herself staring at Mia's red lips — if you keep doing whatever you're doing.

- let him have suspicions. — Mia pulled back June closer to her by putting her hand on the back of her head, slowly stroking her hair and by putting her other hand on her waist — and mmh, you know you're lying, you're still in love with me.

- Mia... fuck off! — June pushed away Mia and she stormed off — »

June didn't know if it was the alcohol, the warmth of the whole room, because of what Mia said or just seeing Mia again... probably all combined. she knew Emily had something to do with this, it all made sense, this was the only reason why she could have been insisting so much for her to come. she went to see Emily and took her apart by grabbing her wrist:

« - hey, i was having fun there!

- what the hell are you doing? why did you invite Mia over?

- can't i? she's my friend too. and what if i tell you... — Emily took a mocking tone — that i'm interested into her?

- so this is it all about, huh? you wanna get back at me for having dated Dyl back then when you were obviously into him? go ahead and take Mia!

- stop being so goddamn self-centered. i'm doing this for you. stop hurting Dyl over and over, will you? »

Emily went back on the dance floor while June stayed there for a good minute before coming back. Emily and Mia were both dancing, they both looked really close as their face were almost touching while they were talking about something. June couldn't hide this even more, her facial expression was full of jealousy. she went back to Dylan who was, FYI... drunk. June took Dylan apart to talk to him seriously:

« - Dylan. we need to talk...

- what's up, babe? the party just started... — Dylan grabbed June by her waist —

- i can't do this anymore. i can't lie to you even more... i'm really not in love with you and i'm pretty sure you know that. and i'm never going to fall in love with you, i'm sorry...

- are you... breaking up with me?

- yes, Dylan, i am... i'm so sorry. i really am. you're really special to me but i can't do this.

- oh... well, you warned me but i still fell in love with you even more. i'm still in love with you...

- Dyl, you're gonna find someone better than me. i'm sure of that. you can take your time to move on but don't think i'm the only one in your life... in your world. i'll always be here for you, i'll always be a good friend to you. thank you for always being here for me as well... i hope you find someone who deserves you.

- thank you for coming into my life. i don't think i can see you for a while now but uh... i still want us to stay close. just not now, i'm sorry.

- shh, don't apologize... — June pulls Dylan into a hug — i'll give you the space you need. thank you for loving me and for showing me that someone can love me this way. i'll never thank you enough. » they held each other for a while. Dylan looked like he was holding back his tears until June told him: « it's okay. you can cry in front of me. men can cry too. i won't make fun of you, you're hurt and it's okay to let your emotions go to show whether you're sad, mad, happy and all... ». Dylan was silently crying and he held June tightly: « i loved you so much. i love you so fucking much... ». June nodded and she stroke Dylan's hair.

soon after they came back to the dance floor like (almost) nothing happened. Dylan drank more and danced harder on the dance floor. Mia and Emily were still taped to each other, June went in between them. Mia confusedly looked at June when she glared back at her then she pulled Emily apart:

« - stop this already, i know you don't like Mia that way... i broke up with Dyl already.

- oh god... — Emily sighed out of relief — sorry, this was my idea. it was my plan with Mia which actually turned out good if you ended up things with Dyl.

- you dumbasses! — June gave a flick on Emily's forehead which made her put her hand on her forehead to make the slight pain go — but... thank you. you've been doing all of this for me but i didn't even realize it... i'm so sorry i only thought about myself those past few months.

- i'm glad you finally realized this. go take back your girl now!

- and you go take your man back. i'm sorry, i wasn't sure all this time if you had feelings for him because i was waiting for you to come tell me yourself...

- i'm pretty sure i had no chance back then because of the way he was always looking at you... but i'm taking this as my cue to make a move on him.

- you won't take long to get him to like you, i'm sure. you have everything someone can look for. heck i would have fallen for you if there was no dumbass called Mia in my life. — June jokingly said —

- well, we could just leave the two dorks and just have fun together... — Emily winked at June and this made the both of them chuckle — »

they both came back, June started to get annoyed for going back and forth from the dance floor to the corridor to go to the restroom. she angrily walked up to Mia, Mia's face was hilariously showing that she was scared of June and June pulled Mia's face closer to her, she pressed her lips against her gently. she smiled when she noticed that Mia was surprised, they carried on by making out. Mia had her hands on her favorite body part of her beloved June, on her waist. their hands were moving everywhere along their bodies at some point and their tongue was twisting with one another, they couldn't get enough of each other.

Touch me like you touch nobody

Put your hands all up on me

Tired of hearing sorry

Kiss and make, kiss, kiss and make up

How about we leave this party?

'Cause all I want is you up on me

Tired of hearing sorry

Kiss and make, kiss, kiss and make up

Kiss, kiss and make up

Kiss and make, kiss, kiss and make up

Kiss, kiss and make up

Kiss and make, kiss, kiss and make up

they looked at each other so intensely, the only they could hear was their own heartbeats and the music. it's like they were the only people of the room, they were gone into their own world. Mia abruptly grabbed June's hand and ran away with her from the party. they eventually stopped when they were out if breath, they were in the middle of a street when they continued kissing, they both knew so well where this was going, this was never going to stop. it was their way of stopping time, to keep on doing the things they wanted to to each other without caring about what time it was. they, of course, ended up at Mia's place to keep their sins going. they were having a whole making out session at Mia's front door, her hand was running around through June's body and her tongue fully exploring June's exposed neck and chest. as they entered Mia's bedroom, Mia pinned June against the bed and she was on top of her. they looked each other in the eye and they kept on kissing each other's lips like there was no end. June stopped Mia's hands from going further:

« - Mia... what are we? i need you to seriously talk to me. — they both sat down on Mia's bed —

- oh, hum, right, sorry i totally forgot to talk... you kinda always take the words out of my mouth.

- okay, wait, stop with the smooth talking please– ugh, dumbass. — June gave Mia a flick on her forehead —

- hey, what was that for?

- mmh. for earlier with Em and for that girl who had the keys to your apartment.

- i- um- okay, let me explain. why does this look like i cheated on you and that i'm explaining myself?

- mmh, isn't it the case?

- for your information, i didn't cheat on you! — June glared at Mia — okay, okay, i'm going to explain myself now. i'm kinda... nervous. — Mia took June's hand — i haven't been fully honest with you. i met a girl a few weeks ago, it was her, her name is Luna. we've been hanging out to the point we've built a strong bond between the two of us. it's not what you think though, our relationship was based on taking risks together by getting into trouble together and we would always go on an adventure together. and... it thought i was in love with her. the things we did together, the things she made me do when i was with her... everything made me think i had feelings for her all along. but it wasn't the case, i just loved being with her. i just loved the idea of her. i haven't been really looking at what was obvious all along because all this time... i was in love with you. i was so scared of commitment and feelings that i didn't want to admit to myself of much i've already fallen for you. it's like i was always looking for the right person, i was always looking for you. i always thought of how perfect everything is when i'm with you and the only thing that missed were the feelings. but the feelings were always here... i'm in love with you, June. you're the one who makes me feel like sunrises and blue skies. the way my heart only beats when i see you and the way the world stops when we're kissing... everything about falling in love with you is just so beautiful, everything about you is. thank you for teaching me how to love again, thank you for teaching my heart to beat once again. i love you, June, i love you. and those aren't just "i love you"s blown in the air. does this answer your question of "what are we?" ?

- fuck... — June's tears started dropping through her cheeks — it does. thank you for giving me an answer. the answer i've always been waiting for for so long... i love you too Mia. so fucking much. — this brought a smile to the two lovebirds' mouth —»

Mia wiped off June's tears and she gently kissed her, starting from her cheeks and ending with her lips. they were both waiting for this moment, to finally have a closure, to have their own ending: «... i'll make you feel like mi amor, i'll make you feel like Mia. » whispered June into Mia's ear which sent shivers down her spine.

Oh my, my, my, what you do to me

Like lighting when I'm swimming in the sea

From the very first time we loved

From the very first time we touched

Walking on wires and power lines

You put your body on top of mine

Every time that you lift me up

To the heavens and stars above

they brought back their lips together along with the music June had put on on the speaker, their hands feeling each other's body and their mind filled with each other's touch.

Ooh Lord have mercy I'm begging you, please

I'm feeling drained, I need love

You charge me up like electricity

Jumpstart my heart with your love

they both impatiently undressed each other, their eyes drifted on each other's body. June had this body that made Mia want to sin. seeing her exposed neck, her so defined collarbones, her short waisted hips, her belly button, just her body. it didn't help to see her face, when she was licking her own lips.

There's an energy

When you hold me

When you touch me

It's so powerful

I can feel it

When you hold me

When you touch me

It's so powerful

and everything felt like a dream, everything seemed too good to be true. but they were there, doing the same stuff they've been doing for months only that this night was more special. they knew what they meant to each other, they knew how they felt about each other.

There's an energy

When you hold me

When you touch me

It's so powerful

I can feel it

When you hold me

When you touch me

It's so powerful

Chapter 13 -

you're the one who makes me feel like sunrises and blue skies

Emily asked June to meet up at this fancy café and June was the first to arrive and she took a seat. it wasn't surprising that Emily asked her to meet in such a place, she kept looking around and it was overall a really pretty place: the ceiling was painted, there were mirrors, the seats were comfortable and everything was almost full of gold and rose gold ornaments. June didn't have to wait for a while to finally see Emily:

« - hey boo! — Emily excitedly greeted —

- Em! — June got up and hugged her — how've you been?

- pretty good! — they both sat in front of the other — how about you? you must have a reason for wanting to see me suddenly.

- hey, i genuinely wanted to see you too. and you had something to tell me?

- you go first, that's the rule since you're the one who first asked to meet up.

- Em... i'm still in love with Mia.

- it doensn't surprise me. what doesn't add up is your bullshit with Dyl.

- i don't know... i wanted to move on from Mia as soon as possible i guess.

- this is not a solution, you know that. don't get involved Dyl with this. work your relationship out with Mia.

- it's not as simple as that...

- it is. you have to talk it out.

- she hurt me. a lot.

- and isn't it what you're doing with Dyl right now? for god's sake, she wasn't even in a relationship with the girl–...

- what do you know about that?

- well- um, you told me yourself that she didn't do relationships. you can't know that for sure, right?

- yeah but she hasn't given me an explanation since...

- how can you expect her to give you an explanation now that you're with Dyl? news spread around fast. think about that also.

- well, i was expecting her to make her react even faster now that i'm with someone else!

- c'mon you know her more than me. you know it's enough to stop her... anyway, i gotta hurry, i just wanted to tell you that there's a party tonight.

- i'm not in the mood for that, Em... sorry, i'm gonna have to pass this time.

- it's gonna be fun, i can promise you that.

- nope, nope, — June shook her head — and nope.

- unless... — Emily quietly and viciously whispered — you want me to tell Dyl that you have been making up excuses not to be with him.

- what the fuck? are you seriously blackmailing me, Emily?

- i just really want you to come tonight. pretty please? — Emily had this really vicious smile on her face —

- ugh, okay... you won.

- yay! see you tonight boo! — Emily got up and gave a peck on both June's cheeks. she put money on the table with a tip that went along with it — my treat. take it as a thank you for coming tonight! — she insisted on the last part of her sentence —

- sure, whatever, Em... — June waved at Emily on her way out — »

June let out a sigh but she was oddly excited for tonight, she was already thinking about the outfit she was going to wear. she took out her phone and she got a message from Dylan: « hey baby, you left while i was asleep again. i'm forgiving you though because you left a note, a breakfast for me and the fact that you look so cute while you sleep. », normally she would have found it cheesy but cute but she found this annoying for some reason so she just ignored Dylan. she can't deny the fact that she was actually still annoyingly expecting a message from Mia. she got up and she went out of the café, she was wondering what she could do this afternoon to kill some time. as she wondered, she looked up the sky. it was really pretty and it made her think of Mia, one of them would always tell the other to look up the sky just because it's showing pretty colors. she hesitated taking a picture and sending it to Mia out of habit. this was a pretty tiring situation because she was mad at her but she couldn't help think about her and miss her.

Wise men say only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you?

she was walking down the street as she heard this song coming from a bar, it felt like fate was playing with her emotions little by little. or maybe she juste associated everything with Mia, everything made her think about her.

Like a river flows surely to the sea

Darling so it goes

Some things are meant to be

Take my hand, take my whole life too

For I can't help falling in love with you

why was she so in love with her?

it was draining her, it was tearing her apart, it was killing her.

but all she could do was smile when she thought about her because most of the things Mia did to her were good, she wasn't messing around with her on purpose, she knows it. she held onto those feelings, it's what made her what she is today. she was hoping to see Mia to end this for good. for both of their sake.

in the end, June went home and to kill some time, she just had a selfcare afternoon while she was debating on which outfit she'd wear tonight. she decided to go simple, she didn't want to seem like she put too much effort into it. so she went for a jumpsuit burgundy that looked both comfortable and fancy. her collarbones where showing and she thought about how Mia liked them– and sigh again, she was thinking about Mia a-fucking-gain. she wanted to forget her feelings so much but at the same she still wanted to keep on loving her, she was conflicted with her own feelings but eventually she sadly had to put an end to those feelings one day or another.

by this time, it was already time to go, she put on her usual perfume, she took a small bag where she could put her useful stuff and she also took a darker shade of burgundy as a vest so she would avoid getting cold. she took out her phone and saw Emily's multiple messages and the last one that was showing through her notifications was: « u're coming, hUH? », she let out one of the hugest sighs she could ever let out, « i'm gonna change my mind if you keep on insisting. », she remembered what Emily had said and she wondered if the threat was true because she never knew when she was kidding or when she was serious. either way, she had to break it off with Dylan whatever they had before hurting even more than she already was. believe it or not, June was feeling really guilty about it, she felt bad to not love someone like him who obviously did everything to deserve her but she didn't deserve him the same way she did everything to deserve Mia so she knew that there was no way she would deserve Dylan just the same way Mia didn't deserve her. but it didn't seem to bother her, she still wanted it to be her. it's always been about her and this is still about her. love is indeed a cruel thing, huh? the person you want the most would still seem like they're always out of reach.

when June went downstairs, Dylan was standing against a pole and he seemed that he had been waiting for her. June was a bit surprised then it made sense, Emily wouldn't obviously try to harm her, it was her way of caring for her and helping her. when Dylan looked up and saw June, he seemed so excited and happy, he smiled at her then ran quickly to her. and that's when she knew for sure she had to break things off with him, she couldn't do this more to him, he was way too in love with her... it was just the same way she looked at Mia and it was hurting her even more instead of reassuring her that someone could love her the same way, she only felt pity for him and... for her. Dylan gave a quick peck on June's lips by placing his hand on her waist, June awkwardly places back his hand on her back and smiled at him: « you're really pretty... i'm so lucky to have you. — Dylan placed his other hand on the back of his head as he looked all shy to be able to see June in this outfit and she looked amazingly gorgeous as always — shall we go, my princess? », June only nodded as an answer and she took off his own hand from her back eventually so she could hold it instead.

fingers inside each other, lips pressed against each other, heart beating next to each other.